Thursday, August 25, 2016

Five Essentials for any Great BDSM Scene!

In addition to writing BDSM erotica, I’m also an active member in the local BDSM community where I live and I thought I’d touch on a few things that are essential to enjoying all this kinky fun you’ve been reading about. The absolute bedrock foundation is the principle of ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual’.  Safe, in that the activities involved have been gone over to mitigate as much risk as possible. Sane, so that the activities cause no mental or psychological harm and most importantly CONSENT. Consensuality is of utmost importance, if all the participants have NOT consented to what’s going on, it’s not BDSM anymore, its assault and abuse, period. There are no fifty shades of gray here.
On this foundation, I believe there are five essentials to a great BDSM scene. A lot of people mistakenly believe that you need to have expensive toys or equipment, a fully functional dungeon or porn star’s body to have nasty kinky fun.  But, the truth is, one can have an immense amount of fun with just their hand, a willing ass and a lap to bend them over.
  1. Good clear communication – Having strong communication skills is very important for an enjoyable scene. The Dom/Top needs to check in periodically on the sub/bottom to make sure things are copacetic and conversely the bottom needs to be able to gauge their condition and communicate that to the Top.
  2. A thirst for knowledge – Certainly all the participants in whatever activity they are engaging in need to have as much knowledge about as they possibly can, the burden being on the Top. They not only need to know the ins and outs of spanking, flogging, caning, etc, but they also need to be as well-versed as they possibly can about any issues that can arise. But the learning does not stop there. Anytime you play with someone new, you are starting from scratch, learning their responses, watching for clues, checking in with them and taking in all that information and using it to give the best possible experience for both of you.
  3. A strong desire for fun – If you’re not in this for the sheer unbridled fun of it, then you need to get out. Even though we may mete out seemingly merciless pain, whispered threats in the ear and binding inescapable restraint, its all to bring the most pleasure we can and also, to have hot orgasmic fun.
  4. Adaptability – Run out of rope? Handcuffs won’t fit? Did you break your rattan cane against their ass (probably the most intense mix of excitement and disappointment you’ll ever have ;))? Well, I’m afraid you’re gonna learn pretty quickly to adapt. It never ceases to amaze Me how creative kinky people are and how our devious little minds are always working out ways to torment and excite. In addition, in case something doesn’t quite work out like it should, it helps to be quick on your feet and adapt to the new situation.
  5. A sense of humor - This is something I’ve learned from the group I go to here in town. I personally think BDSM works best when you take your Kink very seriously, but not yourself. In other words, you should take what you do seriously, taking care of your partner’s needs, knowing all you can about what you’re doing, etc. But at the end of the night, you need to realize you’re not really Lord Master DragonSlayer the Third. Because sure as fuck, one of these days during one of your scenes, things are gonna go sideways and its all gonna come crashing down that you’re just Joe Smith from accounting. And at that moment, you’re gonna have to decide, are you gonna get upset or are you gonna just laugh at yourself and move on? Trust me, the second option is not only the best way to make sure you can salvage the scene, but in the long run, is just the healthier way to go.

With these five essentials, you’ll be well on your way to having a very enjoyable and fun time exploring your kinky and sexy depraved interests.